Monday, 2 November 2009

Guilty as charged

If there's one thing I'm good at, it's guilt. I feel guilty 80% of the time. And the other 20% I'm asleep. Is it a female thing? I asked mr pickledweasel whether he feels guilty about things and he just looked at me strangely and asked if I'd been on a major fabric buying spree and was trying to confess :)

I feel guilty for crafting. Because the living room is messy / the bathroom needs cleaning / there's a huge pile of ironing / I haven't read any grown-up books for ages / I don't watch the news any more. I feel guilty for doing housework because it's time not spent with Munchkin. I feel guilty for spending time with Munchkin because I never do any housework.

I feel guilty for taking my college course, because it costs £150 and I don't have much money. I feel guilty for not doing my college course homework because the course cost £150.

I feel guilty for not buying Munchkin annoying electronic 'educational' toys when I see how much she enjoys playing with them in hospital waiting rooms. I feel guilty for going out and buying Munchkin an annoying electronic 'educational' toy because it is plastic and uses batteries. I buy a second hand one from a charity shop and it eases the guilt somewhat :)

I feel guilty for blogging. Because it takes up time. Because I'll often sack off doing other (more important?) things and write a blog post instead. Because deep down I know I only do it for attention. I like it when people comment. When they 'follow' me. I want people to say, 'Ooooh, look what you made / said aren't you clever / funny!' And that makes me feel guilty, because I think that maybe I shouldn't need to seek validation from random strangers on the interweb.

So I'm making a few changes. I won't blog every day. I'll try and focus on quality rather than quantity - two posts a week at most. That way I can do a few tutorials, book reviews, give you hints and tips from my college course, rather than just post pictures of Munchkin and wait for the compliments to flood in. I was getting bogged down by trying to blog frequently, and not thinking about whether my posts offered any value to my 'readership' (*waves* hello readership!).

Hopefully you'll notice an improvement in my photography skills as well - I'm trying to take well lit photographs so that my blog looks 'proper' (although a lot of things I need to do this are on my Christmas list, so it might be January before you notice an improvement :). If I'm going to blog (and still feel guilty about it) then I'd better do it well :D

All this thinking and changing and trying not to feel so guilty has been brought about by a fabulous online course I signed up to about blogging, run by the amazingly wonderful Sister Diane, she of CraftyPod fame. It's really made me think about what my blog is for, and changed my perspectives a lot.

In the meantime I'm sure I'll find something else to feel guilty about in the place of blogging. Biscuits, not replying to emails straight away, forgetting birthdays, buying new moisturiser before I've finished the old one, wanting shoes, not exercising.... the list is endless :)


  1. Jesus, I could have written this post. I might actually copy and paste it into my blog because I am never, ever without feelings of guilt about everything. And I entirely agree that guilt is a female preserve, I don't think my husband has ever felt guilty until I've told him he should. Good on you for posting this and I look forward to seeing your updates! xx

  2. Guilt is a girl thing. Can't remember a time when I didn't feel guilty about something. And, talking to my sis who is now a mum, I think that reproducing makes it even worse.

    Regardless of the quantity of your posts, I still look forward to them and am very glad we have met again in cyberspace :) I find your blog very inspiring!
    PS don't stop with the munchkin pics, she is GORGEOUS. Obv. not as much as my niece, but nearly :)

  3. I agree with Amanda - you've articulated everything that I feel!

  4. I could have written this ;0) the guilt is really a girl thing. Guilt about working, guilt about being home, guilt about blogging and also for not doing it.
    We put way too much pressure on ourselves

  5. I feel guilty all of the time. I have guilty dreams! I blame the latent catholicism of my family and too many years following the happy clappy church. I'm much better now thank you! Being a working mum means you will either feel guilty about your slack service to your clients, or your slack mothering/wife-ing!

  6. It's a bloody good job I'm not Catholic :) Thanks for your comments, although it's a bit pants that we all feel the same shed loads of guilt :( Maybe we could up-cycle it and sell it on Etsy as something else? Remorse? Regret?

  7. hilarious!! My own mother warned me about the guilt thing....apparently labour triggers it! Then thats it mummy=guilt!

    We should just stick our fingers in our ears whenever we here its negative call, sing lalalalalalalaaaaaaaa, I can't hear you and do what we would wish we had done, when we are eighty!


  8. I'm sitting on the sofa making my way through your super-snazzy projects (I'm such a stalker). I utterly sympathise about the guilt thing, particularly the absurd circular pointlessness of it all.

    This is quite interesting (from 'Watch Your Language' by Diane Wiessinger):

    'Women's (nearly) automatic assumption of guilt is evident in their responses to this scenario: Suppose you have taken a class in aerodynamics. You have also seen pilots fly planes. Now, imagine that you are the passenger in a two-seat plane. The pilot has a heart attack, and it is up to you to fly the plane. You crash. Do you feel guilty?

    'The males I asked responded, "No. Knowing about aerodynamics doesn't mean you can fly an airplane." "No, because I would have done my best." "No. I might feel really bad about the plane and pilot, but I wouldn't feel guilty." "No. Planes are complicated to fly, even if you've seen someone do it." What did the females say? "I wouldn't feel guilty about the plane, but I might about the pilot because there was a slight chance that I could have managed to land that plane." "Yes, because I'm very hard on myself about my mistakes. Feeling bad and feeling guilty are all mixed up for me." "Yes, I mean, of course. I know I shouldn't, but I probably would." "Did I kill someone else? If I didn't kill anyone else, then I don't feel guilty." Note the phrases "my mistakes," "I know I shouldn't," and "Did I kill anyone?" for an event over which these women would have had no control!'